Every autumn, cows are celebrated like queens during the descent from alpine pastures back to the valley. They get flower crowns, velvet harnesses, full-on Instagram-ready outfits. Locals throw parties. There’s cheese. There’s wine. It’s basically Coachella but for cows.

Grüezi mitänand! Wait... what? Welcome to the enchanting world of Swiss German, a dialect that sounds like a fantasy novel being read through a mouth full of Toblerone. It’s not quite German, definitely not English, and 100% something you’re going to hear everywhere.